Alexandria and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yesterday was one of those days. Nothing terribly awful happened. No one died. There were no natural disasters or any other such calamities. But, for whatever reason, it still sucked. I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the emotional bed. The wrong side of the hormonal bed is probably more accurate.

Blast these hormones. These hormones that hijack my emotions and my otherwise logical common sense. These hormones which turn my mind into ruminating mush. Mush that lies to me, that expects the worst of every situation. Mush that tells me awful, fictional stories about myself and the people I love most.

I have come to accept it as my lot in life that I will have to fight against the lies that my brain tells me when I reach disequilibrium. Perhaps the mere presence of these stories in my head is a sign that something is out of whack. Hormones sure may play a role in this, but my life of late has been very full, maybe even bloatedly so. The rest and relaxation that I so need to function optimally has been hard to find. A full life is fun and satisfying, but a full life includes downtime, and I haven’t had much lately.

As someone who can tend towards introversion, I find that I need one full day to myself every week without any plans. One day where I can spend the day reading and thinking and recharging my battery. It has been quite a long time since I have had one of those luxurious days. I can remember a time where I went for months without that, and without knowing what I was doing, I turned myself into the unhealthiest mess that I have ever been. There were more factors than just this one working, but it certainly didn’t help matters.

I suppose that I can add to my list guarding my free time as one of the areas in my life to work on in becoming more zen. My list is getting really long, although I do feel like I’ve made definite progress in a couple of important areas. I so want to arrive at the place where everything is in order and I become one of the rare people who have it all together. It just drives home the point that life is a process and a journey, one which is ever dynamic, fluid and changing. And I am becoming increasingly more convinced that it is my mushy brain that is making up stories about people existing who have it all together.

Today's Fixation

Hello, all!

Here is an update on my progress toward a more zen life.

The waking up early has not been going as planned. I guess this week I've been waking up around or even after 7:15 or so, which is not ideal. But, it's been a crazy summer and my sleep schedule has gotten all out of whack. My goal is to get back on track next week with waking up right at 7:00 on the nose, and then get back to moving earlier gradually.

I just realized today how much of a weight debt is when it comes to financial peace of mind. Money is tight in my budget each month because of money going to pay down debt. Duh, you say. Yes, perhaps I'm a little slow, but today was my first realization of how being in debt effects my quality of life in a day to day way. I've always understood this concept in theory, but it really hit home today examining my finances and realizing how much extra money a month I would have if I weren't in debt. So...announcing my latest zen goal:

GETTING OUT OF DEBT!!!

Thus: I paid off my credit card today! I had a little extra cushion in my checking account, and I figured, why not? If I find that I overextended myself and need a little extra money, worst case scenario, I just put another couple hundred back on the credit card. But even in that scenario, I'll still be in much better shape with a much lower balance.

Furthermore, I have decided to add something else that I'm going to be working on. So, here is my latest goal that I would like to announce. Duh-duh-duh-duh: I would like to pay off my car completely in the next three months. I still have eight months of payments, so I will have to be a little resourceful, but I'm going to make it into a little game for myself. I think that if I send all my extra money toward this noble cause, I can make it happen. What's a goal if it's not a little challenging?

In other news, I hope to spend this weekend bringing order to my apartment and getting things good and cleaned up. It's time to make my house a home.

We'll get there...

So, I'm still working on the blogging habit. My posts have been sporadic at best. But, my new mantra with the lifestyle I'm trying to cultivate is "we'll get there". Just because I'm not 100% out of the starting gate doesn't mean it's hopeless. Slow and steady wins the race. Practice makes perfect. Inch by inch, everything's a cinch. Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Well, not so much that last one. But, that's a convenient segue to my next topic. I woke up at 6:41 this morning! Getting closer to my goal of being consistently awake and active at 6am. We'll get there...

I feel frustrated about my life currently because it seems as though I've been running around so much that I haven't had the opportunity to nest in my new apartment for which I am paying throug the nose. Driving to and from said apartment for an hour and a half each day doesn't help matters much. I'm hoping that this will change pretty soon, I cannot wait to start getting stuff up on the walls, painting, projecting and generally using my apartment as a giant gineau pig for my off the wall ideas. We'll get there...

But, I DO have a new blog header. I'm satisfied with it in as much as this is my first attempt at graphic designing anything, but I am trying to resist the impulse to get all perfectionistic up on it. I may still tweak it some, though. Do I really need to say it again?