Alexandria and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yesterday was one of those days. Nothing terribly awful happened. No one died. There were no natural disasters or any other such calamities. But, for whatever reason, it still sucked. I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the emotional bed. The wrong side of the hormonal bed is probably more accurate.

Blast these hormones. These hormones that hijack my emotions and my otherwise logical common sense. These hormones which turn my mind into ruminating mush. Mush that lies to me, that expects the worst of every situation. Mush that tells me awful, fictional stories about myself and the people I love most.

I have come to accept it as my lot in life that I will have to fight against the lies that my brain tells me when I reach disequilibrium. Perhaps the mere presence of these stories in my head is a sign that something is out of whack. Hormones sure may play a role in this, but my life of late has been very full, maybe even bloatedly so. The rest and relaxation that I so need to function optimally has been hard to find. A full life is fun and satisfying, but a full life includes downtime, and I haven’t had much lately.

As someone who can tend towards introversion, I find that I need one full day to myself every week without any plans. One day where I can spend the day reading and thinking and recharging my battery. It has been quite a long time since I have had one of those luxurious days. I can remember a time where I went for months without that, and without knowing what I was doing, I turned myself into the unhealthiest mess that I have ever been. There were more factors than just this one working, but it certainly didn’t help matters.

I suppose that I can add to my list guarding my free time as one of the areas in my life to work on in becoming more zen. My list is getting really long, although I do feel like I’ve made definite progress in a couple of important areas. I so want to arrive at the place where everything is in order and I become one of the rare people who have it all together. It just drives home the point that life is a process and a journey, one which is ever dynamic, fluid and changing. And I am becoming increasingly more convinced that it is my mushy brain that is making up stories about people existing who have it all together.