An Open Letter

To The Village of Oak Park Parking Nazis -

I love your precious village, I do. The little old ladies walking their tiny white poofy dogs every morning on the picturesque tree-lined streets. The huge historic houses designed by Really Famous People. The elegantly manicured gardens. The festivals and farmers' markets and outdoor theaters. I love it. Really. The perfect mixture of suburb and city. So much so that I chose to move here, forcing an hour-and-a-half commute EVERY LIVE-LONG WORKING DAY. While gas prices are WELL over $4.00. That means I really love your treasured Haven of Loveliness.

I can understand that you would want to protect it from interlopers who would mar the lovely streets by parking their ugly cars where they simply do not belong. I would be concerned about that too.

But I really need to let you in on something. It is neither polite nor necessary to persecute the legal residents of your magical community. Let me give you an example.

Imagine with me, if you will, a naive Southerner, adhering as best she knew how to the parking regulations of the aforementioned village. Put yourself in her shoes when this morning, she received not one, but TWO parking tickets. Not only did I receive these today, but they are the second set of the SAME $%^&ING TICKETS. One of which she received for not displaying the parking sticker which had merely become dislodged from it's place on her windshield. So miniscule was this infraction that the sticker was actually still attached to the windshield, but merely hanging from it's proper place because of the blasted heat which had melted the tape holding it in place. I have replaced the tape. NOW PLEASE CUT IT THE $%^# OUT. The second ticket of these sets was for not displaying a front license plate. My car is from another state which doesn't require front plates and thus has NO LITTLE HOLES ON THE FRONT BUMPER TO ATTACH THE LITTLE LICENSE PLATE SCREWS TO. I have the front plate in my back seat. NOW PLEASE CUT IT THE $%^ OUT.

This practice of ticketing the h out of your humble residents leads me to believe that your little village has nothing better to do than to cheat the citizens of this lovely place so you can RAISE MORE REVENUE to support further parking regulation ridiculousness. This is an ignoble scheme, foul perpetrators. You will be brought to justice, vigilante style. If I see one of your minions trying to %^& with my car again, I will not hesitate to jump him. Consider yourself warned, Parking Nazis.

~M.I.F.